Writing, definitely is an art. A way of expressing ones thoughts, a way of being creative, building suspense,painting pictures,describing a scene all with words.
I'd take a thousand pages over a 3 hour movie any day. .. Too bad I suck at it, plus my brain is a supermultitasker(meaning I think of so many things at the same time so I tend to lose focus...A lot).
I'm about to unload something personal right now but my writing skills fail me, else I'd have expressed myself thoroughly and let you understand where I'm coming from but, I still wanna let loose so we'd just have to make do with... uno...the little I know.
You know how you look at your reflection in the mirror and think you're okay? Yeah,that feeling that tells you you're close to perfect and as bey would say..flawless, that feeling that convinces you that the world is the one with the problems and not you? Yeah, might be time to review those feelings and think again. I just saw an archived chat I had with a friend last year and I noticed a trend (ah,this word), I wouldn't say what exactly but I realised a few disturbing traits in the chain of messages I was sending, disturbing in the sense that I was borderline paranoid, making crazy assumptions sometimes accusations and the people I was chatting with might have noticed it but not me and it seemed perfectly okay that I was saying those things at that time. I'm grateful I didn't lose any of those friendships cos now that I look back,a lot of what was said was plain unnecessary and sometimes hurtful.
I'm writing this because a series of events happened to me in 2013,2014 and 2015 and these events unknown to me sparked this dangerous thought pattern which eventually became a habit,behavioural pattern...whatever. good thing I have admitted to it and have committed to making a change.
2014 came as a year of failures and harsh realities which literally brought me to my knees, and as time passed,I thought I could easily let go but I'm just realising it's not as easy as I thought and obviously requires more effort. I realised because the archived conversation,for me opened a can of worms and I started going through similar conversations I had with others and saw that there was a trend,at that point I had to pinch myself and tell myself the truth as what I was seeing was unhealthy and this proved to me that a lot still hasn't changed. I guess what I'm trying to say is that when we go through trauma of any kind, it's best to seek help after admitting that all probably isn't well,and maybe seek help. Would be good to seek some form of therapy,could be through talking to a therapist or telling to a close friend or family,don't bottle things up,let it all out even if it is by speaking to yourself. I am yet to get help(I don't even know how but I'm sure I will) but I talk to my self a lot, well in my head, I have beautiful conversations.
Point is ..don't let something from the past dictate who you are or even find its way into your future,the damage could be irreparable. I'm lucky I caught myself and I will try my best to fix things gradually.
Bottom line is it takes more effort than you think to actually be WHOLE and pouring yourself into work,school,relationships,habits,play might not be enough to fix you. Please take time and look inwards like I am about to do.
Cheers.
