1.Better Apart
"If you prefer time away from him/her. Their presence is unbearable and you have to hold your breath, walk on eggshells or do a complete personality makeover, I'm leaning towards "they're not the one for you". Think it through some more Hun"
2.Lack of Attention
"He hardly ever called or kept in touch while we were dating, and I always created one excuse or the other for him. I'd say "oh, he's been really busy lately. When we met up, he'd say he didn't see any need to keep in touch cos he'd see me the next day or the following day"
You might want to discuss this with him and see if this is a pattern.
3.Lack of interest in family
"I was a rebel in the family and felt his nonchalance was just on a whim. I mean I too didn't keep in touch often. We got married and he never cared to ask about my parents or my siblings. I guess I got tired of waiting for him to show signs of care"
4. Gaslighting
I would advise that everyone avoids manipulative people. If they're always making it seem like you're crazy and saying your claims are unfounded then, hmm.
According to Huffington post,this is how it works: “You hear a woman’s voice in the background when your husband calls you from his business trip, but when you question him, he convinces you it was your imagination or that it was the TV, even though you could have sworn the voice called your husband by name.”
5.One party doesn't want kids while the other does
"He never really said it out loud, but whenever he was around my nieces and nephews, he would act as if he was about to break out in hives at any given moment. It was weird. It was also very odd about how angry he would get whenever we would hear a screaming baby on a plane. I get it, flying sucks as it is, but his face would fill with rage over it.”
This is really a no-brainer. There are just something's that we can't pray away. I would advise to be open about questions surrounding "where you'd settle, number of kids, goals etc. Talk about discrepancies and how much compromise you're willing to make.
6. Too sensitive
She became on edge with even the tiniest setbacks. Someone said something to her with an attitude at work and she had to take the rest of the shift off because she was fuming so much, for example. Turns out she was that way with everything.” Living with a sensitive person is one of the worst experiences ever. You'd find yourself walking on eggshells all the time, tailoring every event to their current mood, not wanting to hurt them while hurting yourself in return. Wasn't worth it to be honest.
7.A family members warning.
"During our traditional, his aunt walked up to me and said "I don't mean to sound mean but how long have you known him? Have you lived together for a month?" I found that odd and quickly brushed it aside but never quite forgot. Turned out he was a very manipulative and selfish person. Filed after two years"
We know not every family member typically wants the best for you but I'd be wary of a close relative would say such about my SO.
8. Sexual compatibility
"We did the celibacy thing so I didn't really care to suspect anything. The sex was always awkward, almost rapey sometimes. I noticed I started avoiding intimacy altogether and that did more damage. We signed up for therapy while we lived in Lagos continues after we relocated to Toronto but nothing worked"
This has to be in the top 5 most important things to look out for. At least be sure he's sexually attracted to you then you could also ask about past sexual experiences if you plan on being celibate.
9. The Unrepentant Liar
" He was a pathological liar. He lied about everything - his age, where he schooled(he didn't graduate), job(his source of income was not what he said it was. I couldn't allow the children grow around such”
It's in the small patterns. Small lies grow into big ones. Next thing you don't believe anything he says even when he's telling the truth. This slowly erodes trust which is vital in any relationship.
10.Emotional unavailability
"He lit up only before sex. I once mentioned passively, how I was drugged and almost raped at a party and he showed no care or concern. I expected him to be shocked and offer emotional support. The discussion continued with him never bringing it up again. I was lonely even in marriage. That hurts even as we speak"
